Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
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did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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