Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
