Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
