And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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