I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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