so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
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Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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