I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
