He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
