i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
