saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
