You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
