I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
