Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
