he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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