i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize