he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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