I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
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so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
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I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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