I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize