so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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