My friends, they love my intelligence
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
