My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
