I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
