I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
