I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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