I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
