i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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