is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
