I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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