he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
