would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize