i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
