Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
