I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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