dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
