Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
