im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
