Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
