idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
