Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
