1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
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It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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