The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
