Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
