he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
