Whod you bang
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
