because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
