somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
