so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
