why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
