your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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