apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
