There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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