i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
