hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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