If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
