i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
