i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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