here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
