Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
