you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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