you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
