Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Send help, water and tortillas.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
