How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
