well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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