I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
