Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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