i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
